How to Use A Tram Conductor

            A refresher course

Some time this year, you will find individual men and women with green uniforms in trams. Do not be alarmed by their presence—they are there to help you. They are not there to fine you for not having the correct change. They are not there to embarrass you with bad jokes. They are there to perform the following functions:

        Sell tickets

        Assist entry and exit from trams

        Provide directions

        Be friendly

These individuals are in fact ‘tram conductors’. There have been employed in trams previously before they were replaced by ticket machines. As machines could not completely replace humans, tram conductors have been called back to work.

To assist in their return, passengers are required to revise the following procedures for buying tickets from tram conductors

  1. Observe a man or woman with bag walking down the tram calling ‘fares please!’
  2. Make eye contact with this person.
  3. The tram conductor will return the gaze and address you directly with a salutation such as ‘Good day’. This will seem a little strange at first, as though you are being taken advantage of. Be assured, the conductor is there to work in the best interests of passengers, not to exploit them.
  4. Return the greeting. If you are in the mood, follow this up with some small talk about the weather or neutral topic of interest.
  5. After a little chat, ask for the kind of ticket you require and offer money. Try not to make the denomination too large, or give too much change that will weigh the bag down unduly.
  6. The tram conductor will take the money and give you in return the ticket with appropriate change. If the mood is good, then conduct might offer a cheery thank you.
  7. Whether the conduct has thanked you or not, it is polite to express gratitude to the conductor for performing this public service.
  8. On disembarkation, it is possible also to farewell the conductor with an expression such as ‘cheers’ or ‘see you’. This is optional.

In the first few encounters with tram conductors, passengers are likely to experience unusual warm feelings. This is a condition known as ‘being human’ and has few adverse side effects. For further instructions about this condition, please read accompanying guide.

Contact 'I prefer a tram conductor' at [email protected]